Newbie

Im thinking about starting a new blog.... one where I can be me, the real me, not Ziggy Linden. .

Ive been missing the outlet that this blog used to provide for me.... I want that again.

If I do I will post the link here for anyone who wants to know the real me ::or just be nosey & know what the real me looks like::

Peace Out Peeps

Single, Saved, & Having Sex

**Okay so I said I wasn't posting anymore... clearly I’ve reneged, on with the post =)**

Christian... that's what I am. So what do I do when I live in a world where just about everything I see and hear, goes against what I believe??

Conform and self destruct?
I did that not too long ago. THEN my spirit started talking to me and I tried to justify it.

On July 29 2009 my spirit stopped talking and I believe God himself stepped in and starting speaking.

I told SD ::the boyfriend:: that I just cant do it anymore. It just came out of no where, like word vomit.

That night him and I broke up because he confessed he didn't think he could be in a relationship without sex......

I felt some kinda way. Happy and relieved because I was pleasing God, but disappointed in SD because he was willing to let out relationship go because of sex.

I just took it as a sign from God that he's not "the one".

After I told him this info and we broke up this ninja left and went to the strip club THE STRIP CLUB of all places lol!

That was IT for me, packed all my belongings from his house and dipped back to my apartment.

Not even 10 mins later he called and told me he was on his way back to the house because he couldn't stay at the club, by that time I was all ready half way home.....

Once I got back to my apartment, i had nothing but my thoughts to focus on... I felt good about my decision because I knew God was pleased and that was enough for me.... I prayed on it and went to sleep.

The next morning I emailed SD and expressed my feelings regarding our break up, during my lunch he called and confessed that I am the women he wants to marry, and hes willing to do whatever it takes, he said he felt that God was trying to reach him through me, and he wanted to wait until we get married. He asked that I take him back... I agreed.

Now this is not the typical ending to this type of situation... this I know. But I know because God was in the midst, all ended well.

This was just yet another example in my life of how God works...... he amazes me every time, because honestly I did not want to break up with SD. But just like I told him..... I am not willing to sacrifice my relationship with God, for anyone or anything.

Just felt the need to share this story, because it can be done. A 22yr old blk female living in the same world as everyone else can resist the temptations, and live her life the way God would have me to.....

Not saying that I'm doing everything perfect, but the things that I recognize need changing.... please believe I'm changing.

So I'm back on track people...... I'm just so thankful that God is so forgiving!

God is Good, so please don't ignore him when you get that gut feeling. It will never steer you wrong.

Currently Reading...

Umm..

Gosh I haven't posted in a long time!!

Honestly I got a heck of a lot goin on, actually I have more stuff to talk about now than I did when I used to post everyday. For some reason I don't have the urge to blog anymore.....

Ive said this before, then I came back and started typing again just for the heck of it, but I don't feel like doing that anymore.

So with that said, I think I'm done here.

No one really comments anymore, and I don't really have the time or energy to blog. It was fun while it lasted tho!

God Bless =)

Panic

I have panic/anxiety attacks every once and a while.

I have been having them since about 11th grade. These attacks only happen at night when I'm sleep, or about to fall asleep.

I never told SD about them, so last night when I had one he was a bit confused, cause I hadn't really told him whats been on my mind lately.

This is how my panic/anxiety attacks normally happen.

I'm sleeping then all of a sudden I get this feeling of desperation and panic. Sometimes I will feel like I'm in danger, or sometimes I will feel like someone else is in danger. My heart is beating really fast, and my mind is racing like crazy. Sometimes I start sweating. Just about every time I have one I get up out of the bed, or at least I have to sit up. They normally last about 5mins maybe less, but the longest one I ever had was about 30mins.

Last night episode stemmed from a couple things that have been on my mind. 1st.... money. This recession is really hitting me hard! I don't know if I'm the only blogger out here that's living in it ::probably am... most of yall have degrees and good jobs and ish:: but hey, it is what it is. Its hard out here. Everything seems to be goin up but my paycheck, actually my paycheck is goin down, just read the previous post.
Secondly, my brother is officially a crack head. Yep you read right. His girlfriend/baby moms confirmed it ::again cause Ive been in denial about it for the past year or so:: this past weekend. I have a big brother that is on cocaine. That's hard to type... let alone say and or think.

I'm the kind of person that likes to fix stuff, and this is something that I, myself, can not fix. If I could I would give just about anything to get my brother off that stuff. This is crazy.

I never EVER thought growing up that my big brother, the same one who used to protect me like I was his own child, the same one who I used to laugh with, the same one that I would get up early on sat morning to watch cartoons with...... would be addicted to cocaine.

This is why my panic/anxiety attacks are starting back up.

I'm gonna wrap it up here cause I can feel myself getting emotional, and I promised myself I would never cry at my work place ::cant let these sucka's catch me slippin::

Later...

Always Tryna Hold A Sista Back

Wats up party people?


Thanks to a snow day earlier this year, I'm stuck at the work place on this ever so important holiday.... and am I pissed? you betcha.


But hey what can ya do? Plus, I'm thankful that I have a job to come to, being that I'm 22yrs old with no degree ::even if they are taking advantage of my shortcomings:: Oh yea I forgot to tell.... the j.o.b is officially debo-ing me.... again. Being that I work for a state agency..... the good ol' governor decided to pass a bill that all North Carolina state employees will take a .5% cut in our yearly salaries.... AND they will be taking that whole .5% out of our next pay checks. Thanks Governor, thanks a lot. In the words of my play play uncle Michael Baisden, this is a bunch of frackle nackle bull. These mofo's got the nerve to tell us, they stealin our mullah so that they can pay state bills..... 1st of all I thought that's why I pay state taxes? Secondly I got my own damn bills that need to be paid.


shoot.....What this country needs is more unemployed politicians!


says my inner Angela Davis.


On a good note I had an awesome weekend. The pic below was taken without my permish, but its pretty much a interpretation of too much cookout food, alcohol, and not enough sleep.

Don't judge me lol!


Everything was cool besides the fact that I had to ditch SD at a house party. Its a long story, but lets just say I removed myself from a sticky situation before it got stickier.


One thing I'm still getting used to is adjusting to dealing with SD's homeboy's girlfriends. I'm one of those girls that believes I have all the "girl" friends I need. I feel like the besties that I have now, are just about as good as its gonna get, so I'm good on the "girl" friend tip. Now I am open to making more guy friends. Guys just seem to get cooler and easier to get along with the older I get, girls are the complete opposite for some reason ::shrugs:: So when I was put in an uncomfortable situation, I removed myself before people started reading my facial expressions ::cause my face never lies:: It was the best thing I could do for everyone involved.


Well, that's about it for right now ::not really but I gotta get back to work, massa is commin lol::


Until Next Time =)

Bored @ Work

So I drew a picture.....

Dont ask... cause I have no idea why/where it came from

Who ever came up with that line in Forrest Gump "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your gonna get" was one heck of a thinker, cause that aint nothin but the truth. Life is so unpredictable, sometimes its scary. A lot of things have been happening in my life that I would have never EVER predicted. Most of the stuff I don't really care to elaborate on right now.

The streets are flooded here in Charlotte right now due to the rain. The streets I travel to get home from work are shut down so I have to find another way to my destination, ugh! As I typed that.... I just realized that pretty much symbolizes how I'm feeling right now.

Its like I have so many emotions, thoughts, and feelings flooding me, I cant figure out how to get myself together ::dag I'm deep lol! j/k:: IDK. Life is weird.

But im maintaining...

PSA: Girl, Please!

He's making u his fool.
Okay so I have this friend and she is ALWAYS getting played real stupid by guys. Shes one of my besties, so I try to keep it 100% with her at all times. Its obvious that the guy she is dealing with now is a straight up scrub, but its like she chooses to ignore the 987 red flags that are waving directly in front of her face. There are so many different situations, and examples I could name that I don't know where to start, but here's one....

1st off hes her coworker.... that made the romance questionable from the get go.
Secondly he was was all ready known for being the office hoe ::he had messed around with about 3/4 other girls in the office previously:: Believe it or not this negro ::I only use that word when necessary:: had the nerve to send her this message the day after they had a brief argument...

• "I didnt wana hurt u. I playd like I gave a fuk bout u and him ::refering to her baby father:: cus i wantd u to thnk otha thn tha fact tht i jus wantd to fuk u. So if i shwd u i wantd to be wit u thn u wldnt go nowhre. Why dont u thnk i couldnt commit to u by placin a label on us? U knw im a good man that u didnt want and I knw u are a good women, but all I see when I look at you is a pretty face and a good fuk."

Yep that is the actual text message he sent her.... and guess what, 2 days later she was chillin with him again like he didnt just disrespect her ::smh::

Dont get me wrong, im not one of those "man bashing" females out there. Honestly I try and give everyone the benefit of the doubt. But when someone is just rude for no reason, I have no patience for them. I told her she setting her self up to get her feelings hurt even worse.... she just said "yea, but im just in it for what it is"........ some bull, that's exactly what it is.... some straight up bullsh*t.

While browsing the Internet I found a blog entry by a blogger named Courtney Willis. She listed ways to know if you are are getting played. I'm sure my friend isn't the only one out there with blinders on so I figured I'd share....

• Ya’ll don’t talk on the phone: Even if he calls instead of sending another text, no phone conversation lasts for more than two minutes and it usually ends with whether or not you’re coming through.
  
• You’re always leaving a voicemail: If his phone is off when you call, or he never picks up, it’s probably not because he was on the train. He might’ve been running one, though.
  
• He doesn’t want to wife you right now: Every time you bring up talk of a relationship, he has an excuse about why he just can’t get into one right now – his ex broke his heart, his job is too time consuming, he’s not mature enough, he doesn’t believe in monogamy, etc. When a dude says he’s not trying to be in a relationship, remember that he just didn’t finish the sentence. He's not trying to be in a relationship with you.
  
• Initial texts aren’t specific: Have you noticed if you respond right away, chances of getting together that night are high, but if you wait more than 30 minutes to respond, something came up? That’s because that first text you got was a mass text. But hey, at least he’s efficient.
  
• He disapproves of sleepovers: He can call you at 7am to head over before work but you couldn’t just stay over the night before? Yeah.
  
• Dates are never planned: Does he call and ask what you’re doing that night? Does the date usually happen at one of your apartments, with cheap vodka and another stupid movie? Then it’s not a date. If he hardly meets you out in public — let alone, takes you out in public — time to re-evaluate the relationship.

umph! Hopefully this PSA will save someone.